Wednesday, May 9, 2007

The speech I would like Bush to make

A potential presidential speech writer writes the following speech for Bush. Too weak, I say. Here's the speech I would like to see Bush make.

“I’ve been accused of lying, but you morons don’t even know the half of it. All this talk about building bases in Iraq, and the war not being about bringing democracy to Iraq .... OK .... you’re right. The war wasn’t about bringing democracy to Iraq, because you can’t force democracy on a people who wouldn’t know it if it bit them on the ass. The goal of the war was two-fold:

  1. remove a heinous dictator who threatened trade in the middle east, and
  2. establish a permanent US military presence in the middle east.

The latter point needs clarification because you fucking morons don’t get it. The US didn’t achieve its prosperity and power by good deeds and wishful thinking. We established it by guaranteeing free trade, for ourselves and for our trading partners. The terrorists in the middle east cannot be allowed to succeed in what they want to achieve; a pan-Islamist state that is intolerant of western beliefs and trade. Only military might can counter this threat and a military presence in proximity of this threat is essential.

Clear enough?

No further questions. I will now give the orders for our military to do what they need to do to succeed in Iraq. No more “Mr. Nice Guy”, silly “rules of engagement”, and ham-stringing by politicians.

And all you twits who think I want to be remembered as a great “war president”, like Lincoln and FDR, can kiss my hairy beanbag. I want to achieve nothing more than what Jefferson achieved when he took on the Barbary states and their pirates: I’m calling their bluff and will destroy them ... to guarantee free trade and US prosperity. Good night!”

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