New bumpersticker

About Angels and Poems

On Saturday, Kathy and I attended a memorial service for the sister of a friend. I barely knew the sister, having met her only once and in passing. I'm puzzled as to why the service affected me as much as it did.

It would be presumptuous of me to write that I "know" her, because all that I know of her is what I learned during the service and from talking with her family and friends at the service.

This person selflessly gave herself and her time to her chosen close friends and to her family. She wasn't a mother, in the biological sense, but *was* a mother to her many nieces. But at the same time she clung to her identify and knew instinctively that to avoid sinking into the muck of darkness and ugliness that surrounds us in our daily lives when we venture out of the safety of our homes, she must gain sustenance from the shared love, laughs and silliness with her husband, her close chosen friends and her family.

As it often seems, a person "comes by" when you need them the most. This person "came by", however briefly and remotely, when I was searching for the answer to the question "what next". I think I already knew the answer, but the memorial service was like the little man tired of being pushed back in the line because he is small and rushes to the front of the line and yells: "Hey! I'm tired of being pushed back. I have something important to say!" And say it, he did.

Don't isolate yourself.

That's it!!! As geeks, we tend to isolate. Perhaps we are by nature solitary and asocial. Perhaps the nature of our work requires lots of alone time. Perhaps it is due to the competitive nature of our existence, the competition that leads us to finding little faults in people, competitively self-elevating ourselves above the "faulty" others, and thus pushing them away. But in isolation, we can succumb to the darkness and ugliness. And no good comes from walking down that road.

During the service, a poem, "Questions About Angels" by Billy Collins, was read. One passage in that poem still brings a tear to my eye every time I read it.

She sways like a branch in the wind, her beautiful
eyes closed, and the tall thin bassist leans over
to glance at his watch because she has been dancing
forever, and now it is very late, even for musicians.

I'm pretty sure the poet's intention was to illustrate the timelessness of angels. But mortals in angel form must rest.

I ended up buying one of Billy Collins' anthologies, "Sailing Around the Room". For someone who hated "literature" in high school in general, and poetry in particular, Billy Collins' prose is quite lucid and understandable.

Time to visit Utah

Seems that Prop 8 opponents are calling for a boycott of the state of Utah as punishment for the Mormon church's support of Prop 8.

I have no dog in the race and groups (read Hollywood and yuppie Californian skiers) are certainly entitled to exercise their 1st amendment rights just as the members of the Mormon church exercised theirs during the elections. On the other hand, statements like the following are sure to endear gays to the general public and advance their cause to show people they are "nice normal people".

"The main focus is going to be going after the Utah brand," he said. "At this point, honestly, we're going to destroy the Utah brand. It is a hate state."

A "hate state"? Wow! Sounds a little harsh to me. I predict this will backfire at the "gay community".

I've never been to Utah and the thought of spending time on the slopes without hordes of "sensitive" Californians does have a certain appeal.

Let's see: spend money on crappy movies coming out of Hollywood or go to Utah and spend some money there. Hmmm.

Solution to the recession

Seems the election of "The One" has spurned an economic recovery. All the gun shops in the area tell me that their distributors are backlogged, and several ammo dealers (AIM Surplus and J&G Sales) report shipping delays as the volume of orders spiked following the election.

This anecdotal evidence is confirmed by a report that gun and ammo sales have spiked nationwide.

Today, GM reported a 45% drop in sales as evidence of a recession.

Now I'm not the president elect but the juxtaposition of those two stories would tell me two things:

(a) consumers are shifting spending priorities from cars to guns and ammo.
(b) the recession could be eased by making policy changes to boost the production of guns.

Clearly, that's what consumers want. Imagine how much money they could inject into the economy and how many jobs could be created if there were more guns for them to buy.

Now THAT would be Change (tm) I could sink my teeth into. ;-)

Prominent Obama supporters are controlling assholes

Or, "Socialists are sphincters".

Took my daughter to the beach today. It's a 23mi drive from my house to Santa Cruz on HWY 17. Normal driving protocol is slow cars move right for fast cars. Now, I don't drive that fast. THREE TIMES I come up on someone driving below the speed limit in the "fast lane". I politely flashed my high beams and politely waited for them to move over. EACH TIME they tap their brakes and SLOW DOWN so they're now pacing the car next to them in the slow lane, preventing anyone behind them from getting around them. EVERYONE of these road boulders was sporting an Obama sticker.

Coincidence?

They're not content to hog the fast lane, but they want to CONTROL EVERYONE AROUND THEM.

Now you know.

House to House

Just finished reading House to House, by David Bellavia.

David was a sergeant in 3rd Platoon, Alpha Company, part of the Army's Task Force 2/2 in November 2004, when the US army assaulted Fallujah to destroy the insurgents terrorizing the city. His was one of the first companies to penetrate the city and his book describes the harrowing events of the first three days inside Fallujah, clearing house by house while dealing with insurgents hopped up on atropine and epinephrine. He encounters houses wired to explode, filled with trip wires and booby traps. And he describes a story of personal heroism and courage.

He describes soldiers, like Corporal Piotr Sucholas who is a liberal, who cynically believes that the assault is a political ploy to get Bush reelected, but who in battle is unyielding, rock steady and dependable. He describes a military that is professionally committed to what they are doing, believing in the end goal. Each infantryman believes that America is a force for good in the world, and living free of tyranny and oppression is a basic human right.

At the same time, however, he understands that his fight isn't clear cut. In describing his enemy he says: "The young ones were more committed. They've been indoctrinated since childhood and are radicalized beyond reason. They will go willingly when their leaders stay back and order then to their deaths. I wonder if this place is beyond hope."

Unfortunately, the media portrays America's warrior class with two wide brushes: "that of the victim and that of the felon. They appreciate neither."

But the best is left for last. In my mind, the last chapter, the epilogue, is the best writing of the whole book. David describes leaving the army to commit himself to being a father and a husband, having neglected his wife and son. It is bitter sweet because he understands that the camaraderie of brothers in arms will be gone forever. He will probably never see his brothers again. He returns to Iraq in 2005 to gain closure, and to memorialize the sites, by placing a carnation at each site, where three of the most important people in his Army life gave up their lives in Fallujah; Command Sergeant Major Steven Faulkenberg (shot by a sniper during the early hours of the assaut), Lt. Edward Iwan (cut down by an RPG while standing in the turret of a Brad commanding his men), Cpt. Sean Sims (killed in an ambush while clearing a house). After placing the last carnation he describes feeling like he's being watched, a lone westerner without a weapon. In his rush to "get away" he crashes into a woman coming around a corner, and rushes on without apology. He then writes:

"Then I heard her footsteps stop. I turned, and saw her regarding my carnation. She stared at it for a long minute before looking back to study my face in the early morning light. My shoulders sagged. I could not even feign a smile for this woman. Instead, I turned up a street to leave her and this miserable city behind. I took a few steps. Behind me nothing broke the stillness of the morning. I expected to hear the swish-swish of her sandals again walking on the side of the road, but there was nothing. Curious I glanced over my shoulder again. She was kneeing in front of my flower. Tenderly, she placed her own weeds alongside my cheap carnation. She touched her heart then the ground and uttered a prayer. She kissed her hand and touched her heart again. My mouth fell open. She looked over at me and as our eyes met again my heart broke. All the emotions, all the bottled up angst and grief I pretended didn't exist suddenly broke free. Tears rushed down my cheeks and I began to sob uncontrollably. I covered my face in complete shame but I knew the woman still watched me. She regarded me sadly. For a moment I thought she would attempt to console me. Instead she nodded, turned and ambled away. An anonymous elderly woman, lost in a city, I unapologetically helped destroy. I slipped off into an abandonded home, a street away, embarrased and surprised by my own meltdown on that Fallujah street. I sat and stared at the front gate. I have no idea how long I sat there, wracked with guilt for surviving. I lost track of time, lost track of where I was. Finally I moved outside the gate in an attempt to find that woman again. I looked up to see an empty street. I was alone. She left without knowing the gift she'd given me. She wasn't the reason I came to fight in Iraq. But she reminded me of the importance why we fight. The soil in Fallujah and all of Iraq has been consecrated with the blood of our dead, and her reverence reminded me of that. Fallujah will never be just another battlefield. This old woman showed me that my time in Fallujah was a life-altering privilege. It was here that we fought for hope. It was here that we fought to end the reign of terror that had descended on the innocents of a city. Through it all I witnessed the best of human condition - the loyalty, the self-sacrifice, the love that the brotherhood of arms evokes. I realized that I am complete for having experienced that. Those who died gave their lives for their brothers. They gave their lives a noble ideal: that freedom from tyranny and oppression is a basic human right. We were the force to do that, and my brothers paid the price. I stood up and headed for the street again, tears gone now. I had work to do, a fight to continue but I knew this: as long as I honored these men each day, I would have a second chance at redemption. At last I understood."

The senate must think we're not that bright

As you may have heard, the senate just passed the "bailout plan". It's on to the house and I hope reps. get their ears pasted back by their constituents prior to a vote, and toss this thing down the nearest sewer.

Like a parent trying to get a fearful child to take some bitter tasting medicine, the senate "sweetened" the deal:

• An increase from $100k to $250k in the value of deposit accounts insured by the FDIC
• Tax cuts

Does the senate really think "We the People" are that stupid? The net affect of the above two changes is to increase federal liabilities and reduce funding for these liabilities. Huh?

Mark my words: the bailout is BAD BAD BAD!!! Without a doubt, some banks will (and should fail) because of toxic investments in their portfolios. Bad choices will and must have consequences in a free market economy.

One problem with the bailout plan is that it essentially gives the Treasury Secretary the power to choose which banks get to fail and which get to live on. He gets to choose which of an array of toxic investments he buys on the taxpayers dime. Not all banks are in bad shape, and most will survive after this is all over, bailout or no bailout. But placing the power over "life and death" in the hands of one man who now gets to choose which banks die and which survive worries me immensely. As ex-CEO of Goldman Sachs, I'm sure Mr. Paulson has the unbiased experience and will do the right thing. Uh huh!

The other essential problem with the bailout plan is that it delays the inevitable and thus delays recovery. These toxic investments move from private hands (banks) into public hands (taxpayers ... er ... federal government). In private hands, these investments would be written down, mortgages would be foreclosed and remaining funds recovered. In public hands, (there's no incentive for the Treasury to even buy them at market value) these investments will not be flushed because which politician has the needed courage to start foreclosing on "over their heads" home owners (interesting perversion of the word, no, when these owners own zero equity in the homes they currently occupy?) and recover remaining funds. No, the investments will be kept in the hopes that their value will rise. Right! The housing bubble has burst, folks, and these toxic securities will never regain the value they had when the banks that securitized mortgages believed in infinite bubble expansion.

Some experts are chastising us lumpen proletariat as lacking in understanding of how the financial system works. They're saying we should stop calling this a bailout plan and call it a credit flow rescue plan. Excuse me, but a plan that bails out, er ... rescues, some banks at the expense of others, at the discretion of the Treasury Secretary can't be impartially called anything but a "buddy bailout" plan. A plan that bails out, er ... rescues, some banks while leaving the taxpayer holding a bunch of "underwater" investments that will never regain their value is a "buddy bailout" plan.

Let the recovery begin now! Vote this sucker down. The result will be the same, it will just take longer if this thing is allowed to pass.